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Their $0.02¢!... Definitely!!!...[Jokes & Quotes]
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Sanctifier
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Location: Good question!

PostPosted: Sat Jun 03, 2006 7:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

~For Adults Only 01~

Between Gynaecologists...
In the middle of a gynecologists conference, an English and a French gynaecologist
are discussing various interesting cases they have recently treated.

French gynaecologist:
"Only last week, zer was zis woman ooh came to see me, and 'er cleetoris......
et was like a melon".

English gynecologist:
"Don't be absurd my good man, it could not possibly have been that big, the poor woman
wouldn't have been able to walk if it was".

French gynaecologist:
"O la la, you eengleesh, zer you go again, always talkeeng about ze size...
I was talkeeng about ze taste!!... Shocked Laughing Laughing
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Sanctifier
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 03, 2006 8:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

... Here are a couple quotes for the Subie boys!... Laughing

Inside Line (Edmunds)

Senior Road Test Editor Josh Jacquot:
Quote:
... If you're in the all-wheel-drive sedan market purely for performance, the Evo is the
car to have. If going fast is all that matters, there are few cars that can match its instinctive
control feel, blazing speed over open road and raw numbers at the track, STI included.


Senior Photography Editor Scott Jacobs:
Quote:
...For me, when it really comes down to having a serious performance car like this, I want it
for its power and its handling. I'll let the guys falling into my rearview mirror worry about
who's pretty and who isn't.


'Nuff said! Cool Laughing
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Last edited by Sanctifier on Sun Oct 28, 2007 12:05 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Red Dawg
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 11, 2006 10:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The pope had become quite ill,
Many doctors, each specialist in their fields came to attend to him.
But none could diagnose the exact cause of his ailment.
Then one day a Chinese doctor stumbled upon an old medical text describing the pope�s exact symptoms.

He went to the pope with his findings.

�Your holiness, it is apparent that your ailment is a direct result of your life of celibacy. Your illness is caused by the build up of unreleased seminal fluids. Your body can�t cope with the build up; you are quite literally drowning in your own semen.�

The pope was astonished and wondered out loud what could be done.

The Chinese doctor replied, �Your holiness the only possible cure is to have sex with a woman.�

�But I am a man of the cloth, the pope, I have taken a vow of celibacy, I can not have sex.� Said the pope.

�Well then you will surely die!� replied the doctor.

�I must pray on this, I will summon you when I have made my decision.� Replied the pope.

Two days later the pope summoned the doctor.
�After much prayer and meditation I have decided to follow your advice, I feel that there is much here for me to do at this time when the church is mired in such terrible scandal and problems.�

�Very well.� Replied the doctor. �Do not worry, I will make all the arrangements, no body has to know, it will be very discreet�

The pope then said �I have only stipulation!�

�Yes your holiness?� asked the doctor.

�Please make sure that she has big tits�
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Sanctifier
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 11, 2006 7:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

^ ^ ^ Ahmen!... Laughing Laughing
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Sanctifier
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 20, 2006 8:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

How many IS that really?

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying:
"Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in an accident."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims, "That's terrible!, we will have to get CNN and Fox
to put some spin on that, and blank that news from the others, especially BBC"

His staff sits, stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President
sits, head in hands. Finally, the President looks up and asks..........

''Exactly how many is a Brazillion??!" ...
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Sanctifier
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 21, 2006 2:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Meanwhile... back at "Pistonheads"...

__LEE__
http://pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?p=2&f=71&t=289378&h=0
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
...I will always remember the time sitting in the passenger seat of an EVO
while it was humping the back end of a 996 Porsche trying seriously hard on some
country lanes near where I live. I have always had serious respect for the performance
of most Porsche's and here was a fairly cheap EVO picking on the Porsche!
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Sanctifier
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 21, 2006 2:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

... and one mo' time!

Walton
http://pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?p=3&f=71&t=289378&h=0
Quote:
...if you've only driven an STI you're missing out!

I was expecting a LOT when I bought my Evo yet...for the first time in my life....
the product way EXCEEDED the marketing hyperbole. At times I would have gladly
gone and worked for Mitsubishi at weekends for FREE such was my love of what they
had created. It made all other cars feel like they were 50 yrs old, and I've never driven
in anything that feels so nailed to the tarmac down very bumpy roads at triple digits -
even in these conditions it feels like you've got MORE body control and precision than
at slower speeds
- truely an amazing piece of engineering.

Now why does that sound so much like...... Me! Laughing
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Last edited by Sanctifier on Sun Oct 28, 2007 12:09 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Sanctifier
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 21, 2006 3:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A Bird In The Hand Is Worth Two In The... BUSH!

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide she'll become a hooker.
She's not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, "Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy.
Tell him a hundred bucks. If you've got a question, I'll be parked around the corner."
She's not there five minutes when a guy pulls up and says, "How much?
She says, "A hundred dollars."
He says "shite. All I've got is thirty."
She says,"Hold on."
She runs back to Harry and says, "What can he get for thirty dollars?"
Harry says, "A hand job".

She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty dollars is a hand job.
He says okay, she gets in the car, he unzips his pants, and out pops a simply HUGE male unit.
She stares at it for a minute, and then says, "I'll be right back."
She runs back around the corner and says breathlessly...
"Harry, can you lend this guy seventy bucks?"
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Sanctifier
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 26, 2006 6:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

A look at the current state of the Judicature...

Judicious decision:

Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers, Santa and Banta.
"So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe."
Both, Santa and Banta squirmed uncomfortably.
"You, advocate Santa, gave me Rs 60,000. And you, advocate Banta, gave me Rs 50,000."
The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Santa, and stated,
"Now then, I'm returning Rs 10,000, and we're going to decide this case strictly on its merits."
... Shocked Rolling Eyes Laughing Laughing
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Sanctifier
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 01, 2006 12:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Choose Your Hell

A guy goes to hell and is met by the devil. The devil explains that the punishments are
changed every thousand years, so he is to select his first punishment.

In the first room, he sees a young guy on the wall being whipped.
The new guy is not keen on this, so he asks to see the next room.

The next room has a middle-aged guy being tortured with fire.
The new guy immediately asks to see the third room.

It has a really old man chained to the wall getting a blow job from a gorgeous blonde.
The guy jumps at the chance and takes the room.

The devil walks into the room, taps the blonde on the shoulder, and says,
"Okay, stop now, you've been relieved."... Shocked Laughing Laughing
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Last edited by Sanctifier on Sat Aug 05, 2006 1:42 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Zandolie
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 01, 2006 12:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Heheh....Good one
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Sanctifier
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 03, 2006 1:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Supermarket Surroundsound

The new Supermarket near our house has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh.

Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the scent of fresh hay.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with
the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.

... but I don't buy toilet paper there any more.
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 05, 2006 1:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Be careful what you wish for...


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BulletProof
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 09, 2006 9:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Two old ladies were waiting for a bus and one of them was smoking a cigarette. It started to rain, so the old lady reached into her purse, took out a condom, cut off the tip and slipped it over her cigarette and continued to smoke.

Her friend saw this and said, "Hey that's a good idea! But, what is that thing you put over your cigarette?"

The other old lady said, "It's a condom."

"A condom? Where do you get those?"

The lady with the cigarette told her friend that you could purchase condoms at the meds. When the two old ladies arrived downtown, the old lady with all the
questions went into the meds and asked the pharmacist if he sold condoms. The pharmacist said yes, but looked a little surprised that this old woman was interested in condoms, so he asked her, "What size do you want?"

The old lady thought for a minute and said, "One that will fit a Camel."
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BulletProof
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 09, 2006 9:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

A man and his wife entered a dentist's office.

The wife said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible
hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible."

"You're a brave woman," said the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is."

The wife turns to her husband and says: "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth
it is, dear."
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